American IdolAmerican Idol
An observation of our distinguished hosts Big Man Randy, Cutie Pie Paula, and Simon the teen age a**hole.
by Paul Adams
Paul Adams has 8 Albums in a number of musical genres, stays busy building Musical Instruments , writing stories and Poetry, researching Ethnomusicology, and working in the mental health field (A much higher calling than the music business.)

American Idol almost had me this time. I mean sure - anybody with a conscience knows the show is occasionally over the top. BUT, ca'mon, admit it. You laughed at some of the contestants didn't you?? AND, maybe even got "ticked" when a contestant who was blatantly bad, became incensed when getting the thumbs down??

You 'de have to be an idiot not to know how the network stacks this show. First, you have Simon - an obviously arrogant jerk who has yet to show any discernible talent - next to cute girl Paula, who occasionally frowns at Simon's edgy and mean digs. Then add a dash of a real musician, Randy, who seems to know the musical notes, and the business, but lacks the heart to recognize the difference between art and craft (Art is a natural expression of free spirit guided by whim. Craft is something molded and created to meet previously met expectations. Like making a tire, a wrench, or Brittany Spears), and you have a real cute set up. America loves it: THE JERK, THE SWEETHEART, AND THE PRO. It makes for an interesting brew.

I remember sitting with a buddy who was with Ray Charles many years and has some experience with the business. We would listen to music uploaded by folks on the old (now defunct) There was even a web page within MP3 called "The Worst music of MP3.COM" - AND I MEAN IT WAS AMAZING!!!! We never laughed so hard in our life! But, we didn't laugh in front of them while they were exposed - with their loved ones and families - in front of millions of viewers. This was our own private chuckle - and an often hilarious one at that.

So ok, I watched two nights of AMERICAN IDOL. Perhaps by this time I' de become desensitized by Simon's nastiness. I had moved into the area of acceptance. Watching him rip people apart by saying "I don't mean to be rude, but you are just awful and perhaps the worst singer of the day," didn't hit me as hard as it did the previous years. Maybe I was also a little interested and curious that last years winner Taylor Hicks, was a graying older fella that didn't fit the mold.

THEN, toward the end of the second show in Seattle, two contestants with quite unusual features were there to sing (I suspect the network keeps these guys for the end.). The judges immediately notice the - shall we say rather unique appearance of these individuals - AND with a perfect set up, ask each if think they can be the next American Idol? Of coarse they insist they "have it". They are sure they will be the next Idol!

Well, DUH, the performance was bad - VERY BAD. But did Simon tell him he had no ability, and like Jackson pretend to be supportive and informative by realistically informing them they were wasting their time?? NOPE. for one of the "buddies," the criticism comes straight from Simon saying "You look like - uhhhh, hey Paula, what's the name of that Monkey with the big eyes..."(The idiot Simon is referring to a Bush Baby.). The laughter abounds and increases when the contestant leaves. The contestant later says to the camera - with no venom in his vocal inflection - that "Simon said I looked like a Monkey, I don't look like a Monkey!" And when the other contestant followed him to our sensitive and distinguished panel of judges, and gave - you guessed it - a very bad performance, the previous performer listened through the door offering verbal support. " Hey, I think he's doing OK.". He had released his disappointment and hurt long enough to offer support. A very positive, giving, and ego less offering. I'm sure Simon would do the same. NOT.

I was immediately transported back to my Junior High School days when the meanest young dudes would always grab one of the "special ed" students in the playground, and abusively tell them they looked like a Monkey, or an Insect. Kids can be cruel. Everyone would gather around and taunt the HELL out of those Special Ed. students. I remember one kid nicknamed "froggie" by the previously mentioned young idiots, used to have to take off his shoe and threaten the crowd on a daily basis as it approached him with taunts.

Well Simon, we already knew you had no talent other than recognize when a contestant contained all the "American Idol" Music Machine ingredients. Ingredients like never ending musical glissandos, sexy hips, and singing songs laced with "baby baby, love love." But Simon, what can you actually do? Can you hammer a nail in a board? Can you draw? Can you juggle? Can you sew? By this I mean, can you create anything with your hands? "Froggie" boy was smart enough to use his shoe to back off the terrorizing young crowd. Ya see Simon, that's called "Using a tool" - a real high point in the evolution of man where you use an outside object with your hands, AND control that object with opposing digits (Thumb to index finger). I have only seen you use your mouth, and as evidenced by you - the mouth is a much cruder use of a tool. Perhaps even less sophisticated than the tool usage exhibited by lower primates (Ahem - Monkeys.)

Lastly, Paula and Randy. You know better. I repeat, you know better. You are perfectly aware that the contrast in chemistry is what the network uses to ensure ratings. You both know better. You know Simon's nasty ness - which you occasionally protest - is what makes for the ratings. Your participation in working with this jerk means you condone it.

Well, maybe you don't know any better..

Lastly, to all of us addicted to watching cop shows, reality shows, and CSI shows where the winning producer is the one that offers us the most gruesome death scenes, lets try to be nicer. Let's try to be considerate. Hell, lets even try to be courteous. There's the Animal Planet, The Discovery Channel, Public TV, NPR. AND if ya like to see idiots get a dose back - watch Rosie kick their ass on The View.

Paul Adams has a web site where he has his albums, photos of the musical instruments he builds, and writing here. He works alot with David Hoffman who spent 13 years with the great Ray Charles.

His newest and fondest project is THE NEURONS.


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